Grr. I’m sick of being sick!

This is by far the crummiest year I can recall in the illness department. I woke up this morning with that awful neck pain that I get when my body has discovered a new germ. WAIT! I’m not done with the OLD GERM YET!!!
AJ is still coughing. It comes and goes. Sometimes he sounds awful, and sometimes, bless the little bugger, you can’t even tell he was ever sick. It’s this SCHOOL thing! That’s the culprit. If we would just stay home, stay dumb and stop TOUCHING OTHER PEOPLE all the time, we would be FINE! When we were in PG, we were never sick. That’s because we never went anywhere, and saw the same 5 people all the time. That’s the secret- wanna stay healthy-be a recluse. Don’t go anywhere, don’t see anyone, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!! Don’t pick things up and put them in your mouth, especially food. Food is the most disgusting, bacteria ridden, pathogenic substance ON EARTH. If you eat food, I can almost guarantee that you’re gonna get sick! You know what happens when you eat? I’ll tell you. As soon as you put food in your mouth, your body freaks out and starts spewing saliva into your mouth . "of course it does" you say, but you wanna know why? BECAUSE it’s rejecting it! what happens when you get something in your eye? Your eye starts to water to get that something OUT, not to encourage you to put more somethings IN! Then, as you chew, you force the food to the back of your mouth and your throat reflexively closes. You call this swallowing. I’ts actually an instictive panic mechanism. However, you’ve probably weakened the muscles over the years and can push bits of chewed stuff past that reflex and down into the esophagous. This is where you body really starts to get desperate. The muscles here squeeze directionally to get the food up- and out, but you’re still cramming more in, so down it goes to the stomach, which at this point is full of poison, anticipating the arrival of enemy substances. See, if we were designed to consume solids, we would have gullets and be able to keep rocks in them to grind with. Or even rumens like cows and goats, where the breakdown of foods would lead to the production of something useful, like milk. Back to your poor stomach. It’s twitching and spasming, trying vainly to kill the cheeseburger/chicken cacciatori/cheerios that you ate, and while the best it can do is liquefy it somewhat, it eventually gives in and drains the contents into the next area. The Upper and Lower intestines are the last resort. Your body has decided that it can no longer reject the food entirely, but will instead try to get what it can out of it. Keep in mind, most of what you eat, by volume is excreted. Food is nothing but Shit with some filler on it! So the intestine carries the food along in an akward and inefficient manner, and absorbs whatever it can, taking it off to perform lengthy and poorly designed processes in an attempt to salvage some benefits from the trauma it’s just experienced. What it gets is mostly unusable anyway and ends up as Poo like all the rest of whatever you ate. So there.  Maybe now we can get everyone to smarten up and leave the food to the cows, and the beer-making industry!
Holy Crap. I don’t even know where the hell that came from. I must be high from lack of blood-oxygen or something.
Anyway, y’all have a great day! and think before you eat!

About staggeringduck

Look, I'm just awesome ok?
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