Day 2 of the rest of my life…
I do a lot of thinking and pondering and contemplating about the current status of my life, my family, my health, etc. I’m a “WHY” person. I have to know WHY things work this way or that way; WHY this happened or that happened, WHY I’m doing this or that… Which is usually a pretty reasonable way to go about things, usually there is an answer or solution to be found in the why.
Like if your foot hurts- Why does your foot hurt? Are your shoes too small? Do you have a splinter or a wart? Did you fall down or drop something on your foot? Are you prone to gout? Ok, so you have a splinter (say). Lets take it out and clean it up and you can stop limping and feeling sorry for yourself… What’s that? No, you have no real reason for your foot to hurt? Oh well then SHUT UP. (see that’s where the “why” system starts to come apart. Or even better; what? you don’t WANT to take the splinter out? Fine. ROT.
What I’m trying to say is- This way of looking at things and treating situations is not getting me more of what I want. My whole life is riddled with idiopathic pain, and not just in the literal sense. My relationships, everything I do, is contaminated with bitterness as a result of apathy, and frustration that even when I do know why things are the way they are, I feel powerless and out of control.
And so, I’ve decided on a new approach. LET GO! What a novel concept. This is really REALLY a stretch for me. I am freeing myself of paralysis by analysis. I am breaking the cycle of anger-action-failure-anger-action-failure, and HOPEFULLY, as a side effect the unhappy-fat-unhappy-fat-unhappy-fat…. And maybe even the disappointment-react-disappointment-react.
This is the Happiness Project.
I treated myself to some hardcover notebooks yesterday. It was hard to write in the first one. I LOVE blank notebooks. Each one is a work of art waiting to happen. Each clean white page is so perfect and beautiful, waiting for someone perfect and beautiful to grace it with perfect and beautiful work. I certainly don’t feel perfect or beautiful these days. Like the notebook now, pages blemished with ink and experience, I am a work in progress.
Yes, a work in progress. All I have for a plan at the moment is to sit and write (and doodle and color) about the good things in my life, instead of focusing on the crappy crap and wondering why it’s crappy and wallowing in the futility of it all like I usually do.
And that my friends, is what the Happiness Project is all about.
on the 2nd page, all that desperate scribbling is actually an account of a FB wall encounter between me, my buddy Fraser and also Mona.
it goes like this-