So we’re all sitting at the kitchen table and the kids are playing in the living room, when The Man comes in the back yard. I look out the window and he stops at the corner of the walkway, slowly gets down and flops on the grass. The dog is jumping all over him and he’s petting her and just lying there on the lawn like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Considering he hates the dog, and being outside makes him itchy, I know this is anything but “natural”. Eventually he gets up and comes into the house, and I ask him what he was doing; “did you fall down?” “Are you high or something?”. He replies that he hasn’t had a chance to lie on the grass all summer and it just looked so nice he had to try. One of the kids pipes up with “WE THOUGHT YOU WAS DEAD BUT WE SAW’D YOUR BELLY MOVING SO WE KNOWED YOU WASN’T DEAD”. After the spontaneous refrigerator cleanout and the pothole filling in the driveway, I’m starting to wonder whether I’m dead and maybe this is as close to heaven as I’m ever going to get.
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