Victilly? Biltoria? Whatever. In spite of the fact that they don’t have an iota of chemistry as a TV couple, I totally, totally LOVE Billy and Victoria (Abbott). Of course, it helps that Billy is just freaking dreamy. I have such a soft spot for their Romeo and Juliet predicament, and the way Billy would do anything for her, anything… even buy a baby off the black market…
Oh, yes, I’m holding my breath. You see, last year, the maniac Daisy drugged Douchy Romallotti, had her icky, creepy way with him, and showed up a month ago ready to burst with this “love child”, which turned out to be his for sure by way of DNA testing (the best thing to ever happen to the Soap world). Aaaaaanyway, Daisy managed to scam her way out of jail (she landed there the minute she got back into town for the crap she pulled before she left), and into Douchy’s care. She faked her labor, escaped, Douchy found her, delivered the baby for real, clobbered Douchy over the head, abandoned the baby in a church, and ran for Canada. Oh I could go on with the back story, but that would take days. Suffice it to say, in a roundabout way, Sweet sweet Billy bought that baby from a black market “adoption facilitator”, and brought her home to Victoria, who reluctantly accepted this unusual gift.
The next episode teaser show’s Douchy’s mom, Phyllis, standing in Billy’s living room asking “where did you get that baby?”. It’s only a matter of time before someone puts 2+5(864*3)-5 together, and figures out that it’s really Douchy and Daisy’s baby and this will probably be the undoing of Victilly, and will definitely break Victoria’s heart… Best case scenario, years will go by and no-one will ever find out until the new baby Newman-Abbott is all grown up and away at boarding school (where all good soap kids go). I can’t get enough of Biltoria, and I’m already mourning in anticipation of the disaster to come.
Aren’t you glad you have a day job?