This Booze is for Looking At.

The Dusty Stash

I could walk up to you on the street and tell you that I think you have a drinking problem. You -assuming you’re a “regular” person who might drink occasionally, and occasionally might drink too much- would look at me like I’m a fucking whack-job and say “No… I don’t”.

I could return with “Ah, well being in denial about your problem only proves to me, that you have a problem”. I could also further qualify my claim with “See, I almost never drink, and certainly never to excess, and therefore, since your recreational drinking habits are not the same as mine, and, I am a much finer specimen of health and well-adjustedness (SNORT I just made up a word!), that must mean you have a problem”.

At this point, you may consider inflicting harm on me, this self-righteous **** standing in front of you, trying to beat you to death with bad logic… anyone would understand…

I deal with this kind of crap on a regular basis from my DH and his family.  I can’t seem to make them understand that there is a HUGE difference between me actually having some sort of problem and THEM having some sort of problem with ME.

I understand alcoholism. Who doesn’t have “alcoholism in the family” somewhere? Everyone has fucking alcoholism in the family, just like everyone has Alzheimer’s, Prostate Cancer, Obesity, Depression, ADHD…. Somewhere in every family, someone is screwed up with something.

Yes, I suffer from alcoholism. Not at my own hands though. I’ve watched chronic, excessive drinking destroy more than one person in my family. We’re talking alcohol abuse that caused people abuse. Angry, slobbering, blind, raging drunks. I understand alcoholism. 

 What I don’t understand is the pervasive philosophy on life where “I am better at this than you; if you’re not doing LIFE like I am, you’re doing it WRONG”. I blame the internet.

It’s not just my in-laws, religion is like this, same with politics… Sometimes it’s me! I get irritated with people about their parenting, their relationships, their religious beliefs, their driving…. Sometimes I really believe that if they were “doing life” like I do, they’d be better off. But I don’t waste my time terrorizing people with my beliefs- at least unless they want to know what I think!

So picture this scene – Cancun International Airport, busy Duty Free shop. DH and I are browsing and trying to decide what we’d like to take home with our booze allowance. Bear in mind that we have recently rehashed the drinking issue, and I have already decided that I will get my bottle and give it away.

DH “What are you getting?”
Me “I’m getting a bottle of Kahlua for Tara, what are you getting?”
DH “Well you might as well choose yourself since I’m not going to get any of it”
Me ” What the Fu** is that supposed to mean?”
DH ” Well, it means I’m going to buy a bottle of something, and when I go look for it for a drink, it will be gone”

** people are looking at us now.

Me ” Oh, right, I forgot, your booze is ‘for looking at’– so go pick your ‘for looking at booze’ and I’ll get Tara a bottle of Kahlua and that’s the end of it”
DH ” Yes, of course, you’re going to make something of it! Just pick whatever you want!”
Me ” That’s a trap and I know it! I’m going to pick something, and I’m going to go home and eventually drink it, and you’re going to go look a couple months down the road and start picking on me if it’s gone!”
DH ” Oh for fu** sake!”
Me “Well it’s TRUE! So which is it!?”

** …we’re getting a little louder now…

DH ” What the hell are you talking about?!”
Me “Is this booze for drinking or is it for looking at?
DH “Pick a fuc**ing bottle before I smack you”

ahh… Yes, it’s a bloody wonder I don’t have a drinking problem.

Did I pick what I wanted? Yes.
Do I have AN OUNCE of doubt that when it’s gone he’s going to have something to say about it? NO.
Did either of us “win”? NO.
Am I going to enjoy every last drop of that Captain Morgan Special Dark Jamaican Rum? You bloody bet I will!!

**** It is important that you readers understand, DH and I have been bickering, sniping, and posturing as a means of communication and power grabbing for over 11 years now; we’re almost in the pros. No spouses or bystanders were harmed in the making of this public incident!


About staggeringduck

Look, I'm just awesome ok?
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One Response to This Booze is for Looking At.

  1. Turtlegirl says:

    How did I miss this one? Still ROTFL. HaahahhahahahahhaahhahahaI can picture it, which makes it even BETTER

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