Fix it ’til it’s Broke

My son has NO sense of humour. Does not get sarcasm. Does not recognize non verbal cues. Does not get that from me. He’s neurotic, hypersensitive, and emotionally fragile (he’s also incredibly compassionate, straightforward and sincere). Really the only thing wrong with him is his mother. Yep, it’s all my fault. Case in point; the Potato Aversion.

Mom- “Ew! Gah! you’ve got bloody potatoes in your ears! That’s nasty! Here, hold still dammit.”
Son-  “Owww! stop that! No it feels funny! I am holding still”

Ok, this seems pretty simple. Dirty ears to clean ears…. This goes on til he’s like 4. I call them “ear potatoes” and he runs away every time he sees me coming with a q-tip.

My mom asked at some point, “Gee, he sure eats good- but what’s his thing with Potatoes?”.

Oh, yeah, he wouldn’t eat potatoes of ANY kind. Not mashed, not boiled, not fried… Then she overheard the Ear Potato Drama one day and thinks to ask him. “Hey kid, why don’t you like to eat potatoes?” To which the 4 year old replied “I don’t want to eat things that come out of people’s ears”.

This is what happens to only children. Especially boys I think. My mother once told me there was no difference between having 1, 2, or 7 children. A mother can only give 100% of her time- period- therefore 2 children cannot take more than 100%. The flaw in that system, is that no one child can withstand 100% of a mother’s attention. It’s just not healthy or constructive. I don’t have any other children to divert my compulsive need to shape and mould a personality. Maybe that’s part of the reason I ended up filling the house with other people’s kids- a distraction of sorts. I’m so bent on creating this well adjusted, productive, good looking, intelligent, capable…member of society, that I may be warping him beyond all hope.

I want so badly for him to turn out better than me, better than his father, better than the other male examples I had to go on as a child. “Thou Shalt Not Wear Stained Sweat Pants Beyond the Front Door”, “Thou Shalt Learn To Properly Load A Dishwasher”, “Thou Shalt Not Speak Unkindly to Thine Lady Friends”… (thou shalt surrender the remote control, the last bite of chocolate…) Every fatal flaw in the men I have known in my life MUST be eradicated. Every personality glitch I have suffered to hold me back in my own experience, must be stamped out. It’s like I have ONE shot to leave something better behind in the world, and once in awhile I wonder- what I should be leaving, is “well enough” the hell alone!

About staggeringduck

Look, I'm just awesome ok?
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