I’ve been terrible about keeping up with my writing. Generally, I believe it takes a certain amount of frustration and cynicism to write well, but it’s a tricky balance. Can’t write when I’m really happy, it just sounds ridiculous. Can’t write when I’m paralysed with depression- but then, with that, I can’t do anything at all. It’s about a tightrope of mental health for me, and over the last year I’ve been flailing around up there in the wind. So, not so much writing.
Well, this isn’t supposed to be about my crazy- maybe I’ll write about that some other time. This is about what it looks like when life really works!
I am not an Optimist. I consider myself a Realist. I don’t know (or care) what the down and dirty meaning of those words are, I just believe myself to be too smart to think absolutely every life scenario is going to come up roses. Maybe daisies. Dandelions are also pretty.
I read The Secret once, and watched the video. What a load of crap. On the other hand, crap like that gives the desperate people, and the not so clever people, something to latch on to. If you’re one of those people, good for you. I admire your ability to believe.. and yet, there’s still something to be said for the idea- although I wont put the credit where they want it- They’re not the first people to come up with the notion of ‘positivity begets positivity’. I can cite references all day to different religions and all of them follow some of the same pretty basic principles;
“Ask nice, and if you aren’t a jerk and you believe it’s possible, you shall receive”
“You get what you give”
“You have everything you need IN you”
“if you visualize the money coming in the mail by the bag, you will have your dream mansion!”…wait…uh, no. Get a job and start saving.
More or less, those are some of the highlights. And through my own life experiences, I’ve learned that often, the best things come my way just because I BELIEVE it’s possible, and even better things come when I believe in ME. Until someone can come along and PROVE that things just don’t work that way (and then I’m probably still going to doubt that “science”) then I will continue to believe in good things, talk to “God”, talk to the sky, the animals, my grandma…
And this is why
Just over a year ago, I went back to work. I had stayed home for 2 years to make killer money babysitting for all my nieces and nephews and friend’s kids (still charging less than the arm and a leg most outfits demand), and the advantage being, I could do all the Mom stuff. The downside, eventually it made me insane(r). I still love every last one of those kids, but wow, holycrap, did I ever need to get out of the house!
The first job I found was…well…awful. It took about 3 weeks to almost completely suck the life out of me. I hung in there for almost 5, and in the meantime, my DH suffered his awful work accident, and the stress and distraction was too much. I quit without notice just before Christmas and never looked back.
The next few months involved a great deal of stress on the homefront, but I kept applying for jobs, went to a few interviews (I have always interviewed REALLY well) but no luck. I got to thinking about what made my really great jobs so great, and what made my really awful jobs so awful. And one day, feeling a little silly and maybe a little desperate, I posted that letter “The Job Hunt” (I put the link there) and promptly let the whole issue go.
Maybe a few weeks later, I got called for an interview at the liquor store near my house. I went over and had a nice chat and got to hear all about the lady’s boyfriend and her 14 year old daughter’s sex life, meanwhile the assistant manager sat on the counter in her sweatpants and interjected a few “haha and remember when”s . I was a bit put off and was hoping she wouldn’t offer me a job just as much as I was hoping she would. Fortunately, not only did she say “I’m sorry but I don’t think I have a position with enough hours to suit you” but “I think you’d get along really well at the other store, and the manager there would LOVE you!”. She even went so far as to call the other store after I left and set up an interview for me!
3 days later, I was sitting in the teeny office across from a LOUD Amazonian German woman, mentally keeping track of the “F” bombs (for which she apologized in advance, and I sighed in relief…I LOVE a good “F” bomb!) and thinking, this woman is NUTS. This woman is AMAZING. This woman is..wait..giving me the job?
Yes, I was hired on the spot. I had a trip or two planned that she was happy to work around, and the wage was abysmal considering the “accepted” starting rate for my town, but I had a job. Mid April I started and I rediscovered my love of retail customer service. (yes, I say that with a tiny hint of sarcasm- but I really do love working with people!)
I was working with my Uber Crazy boss one day and thinking about how good I had it working there. I had never been denied a request for time off when I needed it, my schedule always accommodated the rest of my life, my boss understood that I wasn’t going to be there forever and was supportive and encouraging about my education… every perk a girl could ask for. And then, I remembered that letter. It suddenly dawned on me, I had THAT job! The one I was thinking about when I wrote that post. The one that I got up every morning looking forward to going to. Great boss, great co-workers, great job! I nearly sat down and cried. It just blew my mind.
So, now, whenever I get frustrated that things just suck, I remember that. I tell myself, sometimes, all I gotta do is ASK.