Necessary Evil

Four years, seven months, and 28 days ago, we did something very big, very scary, and very terrible.

We moved.

We quit our jobs, had a big yard sale, packed up all our crap, put a bunch of it in storage and drove away.

I try so so hard to believe everything happens for a reason, and that all of these experiences will eventually add up to some sort of big-picture kind of amazing. But four years, seven months and 28 days later… I. give. up.

We left my hometown just in time for the economy to tank. We moved to a place where minimum wage was considered a joke for the stupid people who still lived elsewhere. Jobs were easy to find for just about everyone, and the general morale was high.

It was a nice idea.

One which Husband hated and resisted from the outset- he did not want to leave our little valley paradise. For every reason I came up with to GO, he came up with 2 for NOT GOING. I finally made a “command decision” and forced the issue. The rest is a very long, very frustrating and very depressing story.

Nearly 5 years later, I am setting out on a new adventure. We are going to get the hell out of here. I am done pretending “This place isn’t so bad”, and, “The opportunities are worth the unhappiness”. I’m trying not to put too much faith in illusion. This experience has nearly destroyed us over and over again, and there is a possibility, that no change we can make will ever begin to undo the damage. But there is also a sliver of hope. Sticking out of the flesh of the beast, there it is- if only I could grasp it.

There’s so much to do yet. It’s nice to see him look hopeful. I had said to him one day not too long ago “You hate it here, we can leave tomorrow. Not joking. We can make it happen” and he replied with his usual whining “No, that’s just it, we can’t. We can’t just leave” and I said “Well then there you have it- you are CHOOSING TO BE UNHAPPY”. I don’t know whether that sunk in, or my constant sales-pitch on the advantages got somewhere, but something happened. And it looks like we are beginning to think about starting to get ready to MOVE.

School, school, work, work, “Would we get to hire REAL MOVERS?”…Realtors, banks, boxes…hmm, maybe some new furniture? “Can we leave that couch behind?”…finish the deck, fix the paint in the stairwell… oh it’s an awful list. Intimidating. Terrifying. HOPE.

I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around the whole issue, but it’s been a while since I’ve felt as though I was looking forward to the future without seeing myself, well, alone in it. Yeah, I said it. I was beginning to worry that if I couldn’t get him on board with anything at all then I was going to have to jump ship and swim for it on my own. And that has been so sad and depressing.

I realize the traditional Destiny of The Slayer is “ever alone”, but WE are going to buck that system. I will have my sidekick(s). And we will drive like the devil is chasing us and let this shithole town devour itself behind us.

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About staggeringduck

Look, I'm just awesome ok?
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