Nevermind Aliens, Hydramazonianepthisamine!



Scientists and government agencies are in a panic as a devastating chemical leak has made its way into a vast portion of the North American water supply. The chemical, called Hydramazonianephthisamine is being dubbed “The Reality Serum” and appears only to affect women. Women everywhere have been walking out of their homes and jobs, leaving some of them in flames behind them, and disappearing- apparently into the woods and rural areas- completely abandoning children, vehicles and all personal belongings.
An unnamed source at the multinational chemical company says “it’s about…time” While a local Chief of Police says “This is a disaster, we’re considering treating [it] as a terrorism act..”
Scientists are working on a possible antidote for the serum, in the meantime, local men are in a panic.
“What are we going to do?” a disheveled father of 3 asks
Local sportsfan Bob Zurunkle is concerned “Well, this is awful, this is bad bad stuff, I mean, who’s going to make dinner?”
Authorities are considering a lockdown and roadblocks to prevent any more Wives and Mothers from leaving town “We are concerned for their safety” states Police Chief Lem Meattem. However, it seems that the Reality Serum has some interesting side effects, such as disproportionate strength and resourcefulness. Local Husband J. Bronie says he is shaken up “I’ve never seen her move like that! She kicked down the door and vaulted over our 6 foot fence like it was nothing more than a pile of laundry!” her final words say J. Bronie, were”Suck it yourself” before disappearing down the alleyway.
In the meantime, local men and children are left wondering how they will survive on their own- Microwavable dinners are flying off the shelves.
It seems it is just a matter of waiting for scientists to come up with a cure, or for these women to “come to their senses”- as Bob Z. speculates. For now, we wait and try not to get any ravioli on the carpet, just in case.

TWSS reporter Don Tochit. (Staggeringduck)



About staggeringduck

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