Well I’m not naked…

Today I’m going to make some noise on the Daily Prompt… about my “style”… not because it’s meaningful, but because I feel like it.

I think I said it best in my Job Hunt post “…I’ll put on my least disgusting hoodie and a clean pair of jeans…”

Yes, the Hoodie. Best clothing invention ever. Well, maybe second to the Sports Bra- All Hail the Uni-boob!

The thing is, the Hoodie is so versatile. You can work in them, you can carry stuff in them- it’s like a sports-bra for your whole upper torso! I have summer hoodies, fall hoodies, and even heavy-duty winter ones, and when one isn’t warm enough, I can keep adding more. I have some that zip, and some that don’t, and one or two still kicking around that are barely better than rags…. *sigh* I miss the orange one… but when I get dressed in the morning, provided it’s not 90degrees already, it’s what I’m going to wear.

also known as the "One Girl Pride Parade"

also known as the “One Girl Pride Parade”- the Winter Hoodie (get your own from Kyber)

So, “Why?” you ask, won’t I put on something fancy, or at least something that comes out of the women’s section…

1. It’s comfortable. I don’t see why I should spend the day in something that itches, pinches, rides or makes me self conscious about my less than perfect physique. That would be for your benefit, not mine, and if you want to see pretty things, you wear them.

2. On my “less than perfect physique”… even back in the day when I was more of an… ‘off the rack’ shape, I have these fantastical linebacker shoulders, and as a result, have always had to buy 2 or more sizes up just to be able to lift my arms in a women’s shirt. People used to tease me about wearing shoulder pads (it was the 90’s), and then would poke me and go “oohhh”. At any rate, to accomplish that size discrepancy now, I’m looking at 3 and 4x mumu tops in the fat people store. Forget it.

3. You (and I mean you, and everyone I know) don’t seem to understand (or maybe just don’t care), that making a big fuss about how I look in makeup and “nice” clothes makes me really really uncomfortable. It’s a vicious cycle- I come down in anything other than jeans and a hoodie and suddenly everyone is falling over themselves exclaiming on how totally amazing I look and WOW and OOH and AAHH, and my first instinct is to bolt back up the stairs and change into the nastiest, frumpiest things I own. So maybe you think by gushing and acting like retards is going to encourage me to do it more, when in fact, I have been secretly emptying my closet and makeup bag into the trash so there can’t even be a next time, even should I be so inspired.

4. It’s a CONSPIRACY. Women’s clothing is not made to last. Designers and fabricators know that if a women’s item wears out, or shrinks badly or unravels, they will rush out and buy another. Men won’t. With the exception of a small target market, the average male will wear something until it falls off. And if a brand lets them down, they will switch eventually to something that does last. So when it comes to work and casual wear, men’s clothing will hold up forever- and I’m cheap- an “anti-shopaholic”, so my dollars go to comfortable, durable mens shirts just about every time.

I’ve had well-meaning friends attempt over the years to girlify me. They take me out shopping, and they pin me down and color the grey out of my hair- I’ve had some friends even try to raid my closet and confiscate my hoodies and baggy jeans. And I go along with it for as long as I can stand to, and eventually end up back in Marks Workwear groping through the racks to find another fuzzy comfy stretchy supershirt with a front pouch and a hood.

If I woke up one morning and found myself suddenly a size 14, I would rejoice. I would be able to steal my husbands clothes again.

So good for you girls (and guys) who take time and care about their appearance. I think it’s great that you feel good in lacy bras and heels and skinny jeans. And if you’re like me, and you really don’t feel good wearing that, you’ll never hear me criticize you for it. You can come over and borrow a hoodie to hide in.


About staggeringduck

Look, I'm just awesome ok?
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7 Responses to Well I’m not naked…

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